So… Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters was available to stream on Amazon Prime tonight… and yes, I watched it.
To be fair, it’s not like I was expecting Citizen Kane here, but even so, it was pretty darn awful – fun to watch – but really, just awful.
I mean, the plot was as reasonable as could be expected, and the wardrobing wasn’t bad, but the dialogue, oh the dialogue read like it was written by an angsty 16-year-old boy in his first creative writing class. You’ll notice this film has an R rating, one would think because of the graphic violence – and I’m sure that contributed – but I’m also reasonably confident that the primary reason for the rating is the sheer number of times the actors had to belt out fuck (or some variation). Mind you, I’m not offended by the profanity, it was just that the film tried to look and feel medieval (at least vaguely), and the language was, frankly, distracting.
If you’re looking for some campy, mindless, supernatural violence, it’s not so bad, but if you’re expecting anything more, well kids, even the combined awesomeness of Jeremy Renner, Famke Janssen, and Peter Stormare couldn’t save this one.